Today I miss you. I miss you every day, but today it is pressing on me. It's quite selfish, actually to feel the loss of you when so many wonderful things surround my daily life. No excuses. It just is.
Remember that time I came to visit you after your first hip replacement surgery? You were so uncomfortable and asked me to rub lotion on your ass? OMG that was funny. I remember you saying, "Come on Sis, it's not like you haven't wiped my ass before." That is true, I had wiped your crappy ass many a time when you were little. The difference was you were little! But I could never say no to you. So, I grabbed a popsicle stick, lathered it in lotion and rubbed it on your butt, crack and all. "No..., you need to rub it in Jenny. Don't use the popsicle stick. Geez." You knew you have us all wrapped around your little finger.
How about the time you thought it would be a clever idea to hide in my bedroom and scare me when I came home from that date with what's-his-face? How I ran into my bedroom and threw off my jacket in preparation to run to the washroom because I was bursting to pee. But I didn't get the chance to make it to the washroom before you and your fellow conspirators jumped out at me and literally scared the piss out of me. I was so mad. I think I was more embarrassed, but still. What a little shit you could be!
I try not to think of the other memories too much.
The ones where I am sitting by your hospital bed and singing to you. Hoping you will wake up and smile at me. Remember when they were bringing you out of that coma slowly and you didn't know what was happening? I was alone sitting by your bedside, and you just shot up and tried pulling out all your tubes and wires that were keeping you breathing and alive. How I had to basically tackle you back down on to the bed and hold you down until the ICU nurses could come in and help. You landed quite a few good punches for such a scrawny guy and for someone not even fully aware. Man did we laugh about that later.
So many funny and sad memories all intertwined and laying just below the surface for me to pull up and recount any time I want. I miss you today baby brother. I don't know that anyone will ever hug me as tightly as you did. I am so proud to have been your sister and friend. And just like anyone who has ever loved, I just wish we had had more time.
All my love, Big Sis.
Tears streaming down my face!!! Xo
Also - do you remember that he thought you weren’t you when he was punching at you? That you were someone else pretending to be you…like some 80s body snatcher film? That was why he was punching you!