Do you ever have a tune in your head that you cannot for the life of you remember the name of?! I believe they call it an earworm, which to me sounds like that unforgettable scene from Wrath of Khan where Khan (Ricardo Montalban) inserts those earwig looking things into Chekov and Terrell’s hearing canals in order to get them to talk. I am fairly sure this scene scarred me for life, especially since I was around 3 or 4 when I saw it. (Thanks Dad)
It always drives me crazy when this happens. I feel like a failure because I should know it, right?! I blame my Dad for this neurotic habit of having to know the name and artist of every song I hear as well. He would quiz us kids on all the songs that would come on the stereo and for me it was fun, because I was surprisingly good at it. Not this week though. Sigh.
Well, I have been humming a song all week with no idea what the actual name of the song was and then today I found an old CD that my friend Bryan had burned for me full of silly songs and there it was…. “Galaxy Song” by Monty Python. I used to love that song! Have you ever listened to the lyrics? They are absolutely brilliant and there is a part that always makes me smile that says,
“So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure How amazingly unlikely is your birth And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space 'Cause there's bugger-all down here on Earth”
Exactly! How amazingly unlikely is your birth?! How incredible is it that we are here, currently?! Whether you believe in evolution or the idea that we were created by a divine force or being, (Personally, I believe both are possible) it is utterly amazing to just exist. It may sound simplistic, but really it isn’t. Think about all the many things that make us unique and rare in this world.
When is the last time we sat down and thought about what makes us who we are? All the experiences, trials, and opportunities we have had. There isn’t a single soul out there that is the same. Which begs the question, why do we seem to always seek out others that are similar? Why don’t we seek out those who are different from us? Wouldn’t that make for a more diverse society and world?
Is it fear that holds us back? Maybe fear of the unknown. Perhaps fear that we are wrong or that what we have been raised to believe is not the be-all and end-all. Could it be lack of confidence? I’ve felt lately that we are lucky to have access to things like the Internet and other technologies. There are so many wonderful people out there talking about their different life experiences and opening my eyes to various parts of the world that I have yet to visit.
You can go online and catch up with an old friend or meet a new one. Loads of people type in a bunch of criteria for their “dream spouse” in a database and it tries to match you with your perfect mate. The thing is, I feel like to really find someone amazing you must be very self-aware and honest. I am not sure if many people are truly aware of themselves. Not to say that I am completely aware of all my nuances, but I feel like I know who I am. What I like. What I don’t like. What I will tolerate and what I will never do. (Which isn’t much, but we all have our limits.)
What about our families? How often do we think back on how we were raised and acknowledge the good and the bad? Do I think my parents were perfect? Of course not. Do I think they did a good job? I’d say yes. There is no such thing as a perfect family. I know sometimes when we are on the outside looking in at someone else’s life we imagine that it must be better. They have a bigger house. Their parents take them to Hawaii every spring. They have a newer car and are way prettier. They have way more money and everyone knows who they are.
Then you get to know them. They have the same issues as you do. Sometimes even more. Sure, they go to Hawaii every year, but as soon as they get off the plane the family separates and no one spends time together. How sad is that? They have a huge house, but no one is ever home to enjoy it. To me, that sounds lonely. I can say that in my home we were on top of each other all the time. There was always someone around. Noise was a constant. But so was love and laughter. Those things are worth a great deal, even if it takes you many more years to realize it. (Love you Mom and Dad)
The more I think about the world I live in, the more I realize how little I know. I believe myself to be a good person. I grew up with responsibilities and in turn have become someone who has no problem taking on a new task or more work. It’s just who I am. I also was brought up by two parents who loved each other. That matters to me. I’ve lost track of the number of times people have asked me why I haven’t had kids yet. Don’t you like kids?! The answer is always the same… “I love kids. The thing is I have not been married yet and I don’t want to do it alone if I can help it.” The truth. Some people accept that answer and move on, and some try to pry further. This usually does not go well. Not because I am touchy, but because I really don’t feel like anyone should have to explain themselves. Especially when it comes to having a family and the dynamics around that.
As someone who has not been married or had children yet, let me give you a word of advice…stop asking your single or married friends and family without children about when they are going to have them. You do not know the whole story. So many of my friends and family have struggled with fertility or they just do not feel equipped or ready to be a parent. Maybe they don’t want kids. Believe me, if someone wants a child and they are struggling to conceive, they are already being far to hard on themselves. They do not need someone to remind them. No matter how well intentioned you are, you don’t have the full picture. I try to respect the fact that some people only share extraordinarily little of themselves outside of their immediate family. That is perfectly fine with me. I am just grateful to be in your circle and if you need me, I am there.
We are all different and special. I don’t mean it in the “we all deserve a prize all the time” type way. I mean, we are all so intricate and original. We need to give ourselves time to appreciate what we are made up of. We are generations of experiences, passed down and refined over time. (hopefully) We live in a time where there are so many possibilities and ways to go. Some of those roads we may choose are scary but end up being the best experiences of our life. Perhaps we never veer off the road that is set before us and we find contentment in this path. Have at it!
Just remember that we can change our minds. We can decide to be whomever and whatever we desire. I think when we get to the point that we think we know it all, we need to start again. There’s always something we missed. Something more to experience. And if you are lucky enough to have someone run with you along that ever-changing path, cherish that. There is nothing worse than going it alone when you don’t have to. And for those who are trekking forth alone right now, enjoy the ride. Make memories and when love offers itself, embrace it fully. Accept that out there the world is full of unique and amazing people who will see you and want to be a part of your world…if you let them.
Much Love
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